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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27387988">Hiraeth</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/icedcoffeeandhajime/pseuds/icedcoffeeandhajime'>icedcoffeeandhajime</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Childhood Friends, F/M, How Do I Tag, I Tried, Unrequited Love, buckle up this will hurt, i love hurting toru but i love him tho, nevermind i'm too lazy for that, okay now i know how to tag, should i write a spinoff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:20:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,076</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27387988</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/icedcoffeeandhajime/pseuds/icedcoffeeandhajime</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>the feeling of longing for a home or person you can't return to, or that never was. </p><p> </p><p>In which Oikawa Toru realizes that there are things he can't have or he can never have and worse, never even having a chance of having it. In this case, you.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Iwaizumi Hajime/Reader, Oikawa Tooru/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>67</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Hiraeth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my first time posting a drabble or a one shot, please leave criticisms or what not, thank you for reading and enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Oikawa Tooru thought he was happy,</span>
  <em>
    <span> or so that’s what he thinks. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Being childhood friends with the iconic Aoba Johsai duo, Iwaizumi and Oikawa or as you call them, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Haji and Tooru </span>
  </em>
  <span>had its perks, you instantly had a club to join, Aoba Johsai’s volleyball boys club. You started as the team’s manager on your second year, well, they couldn’t force you to join when you were on your first years because you told them sternly that getting into a good university was your priority and that club activities would only hinder your studies and getting good grades</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But knowing Oikawa, when he had a goal set, he would do </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything </span>
  </em>
  <span>to achieve said goal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now that they have found more friends, specifically Hanamaki and Matsukawa, who coaxed you into being the team’s manager, they have finally made you agree with them.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The five of you were walking home together, with Issei and Takahiro cheering as you were now officially a member of the club, and holding the club jacket in your hands. He felt pride swell in his chest, he thought of now finally having a cheerleader whom he actually found important.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You guys know I hate doing club work right?” (Name) said as she fixed her bag on her shoulders, Tooru smiled as he watched her scrunch her nose because she couldn’t carry her bag properly, or it hurt her shoulders, He knew how heavy her bag was, “Well, (Name)-chan, at least you’ll gain more friends--other than me and Iwa-chan!” You glared at him and Tooru tried to reach for your bag, but Hajime took the strap first and begrudgingly took it to carry your bag for you, his actions totally contradicted his reactions, his cheeks and ears were red. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That made Tooru stop, an uncomfortable feeling starting in his stomach as he watched you and Hajime smile so </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>softly </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>at each other.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He fixed his hoodie as he walked towards a familiar ramen shop, the red and yellow lights gave him nostalgia, remembering how the three of you always made sure to eat at the same ramen shop every friday when you were still in high school. He smiled softly, pain still lingering within him. He wanted to enter the shop, but he could feel his heart at his throat as he heard the familiar laughters of Issei and Takahiro, and of course, his dear underclassmen, Yahaba, Watari,  Kindaichi and Kyoutani. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He walked in and felt relieved to see that (Name) and Hajime still hasn’t arrived yet. The underclassmen wanted to have a reunion as his precious </span>
  <em>
    <span>kouhai </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kindaichi wanted to give out wedding invitations. Tooru found it funny how his younger friends were settling down, and Tooru, </span>
  <em>
    <span>well </span>
  </em>
  <span>let’s just say finding love and settling down still isn’t on his list yet and that his Argentina Team was his priority and nothing else, when in reality, he still hasn’t let fragments of the past go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tooru thought nobody noticed, he really thought he was being subtle about hiding the pain in his eyes when you would tend to Hajime in a different way. It was painfully obvious how the two of his best friends were pining on each other. Dancing around the lines of being best friends and lovers, he hated it. He wanted to be happy for the both of you, he really did but he absolutely felt sick to his stomach, he felt jealousy and regret eating him up.  He hated that both of you don’t say anything, but anyone with eyes can </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>see </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>how (Name) and Hajime are in love, how it felt like hearts and stars surrounding the both of you when you’re together. He wasn’t blind to that fact.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But he kept denying it, despite the harsh reality slapping him every time he sees your eyes shine while talking to Hajime. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He wanted to believe that you loved him, Oikawa Tooru. Not anyone else. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Fucking hell!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Tooru!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Pain shot up his legs towards his bad knee.” His muscles felt like it was being ripped apart, he wanted to hold his knee but he knew it would worsen the pain. Tears stung his eyes as he laid down on the gymnasium floors, sweat pooling around him the longer he stayed there. He heard your footsteps running towards him, he found it endearing, how you can put him in his place when he was overworking himself. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He smiled sheepishly as he looked at you, anger written all over your face. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What the fuck, Tooru!” You knelt beside him and held his face with both of your hands, he closed his eyes and leaned in your touch. You felt like home. He noticed that your anger dissipated and is now replaced with worry. He opened his eyes when you sighed. Tooru knew you wanted to smack him in the face, but you didn’t and he was thankful for it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ah, (Name)-chan, did i make you worry--”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There it was the smack on the face. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ow-ie, (Name)!” He can feel your intense stare, it was burning holes in his face, but he couldn’t look at you, not when you were this close, so close that you might see his eyes filled with love, it was overwhelming, even for himself, all that love just for you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He was afraid you would see all of that, knowing that the love in your eyes wasn't the type of love he wanted. The love he wanted from you was directed at Hajime and he hated himself for feeling jealous. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tooru felt like air was knocked out of his chest when you wrapped your arms around his torso and rested your head on the crook of his neck. He felt his heart hammer on his chest, he didn’t know what to do, all the alarms in his head went off, how your scent, vanilla was all around him, how he loved the smell and how you were so small in his arms. He snapped back to reality when he felt warm droplets on his neck, “(Name)...”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You dumbass. Stop overworking yourself, please? Your knee is as bad as it is already, you know better, Tooru. Continuing this dumbassery might put you in a worse position. Losing to Kageyama-san isn’t the end. You have a bright future ahead of you. I’m sure of that. Losing is part of being successful. You’re just starting, okay? Haji and I will be with ÿou on every step of the way.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There it was. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tooru smiled, reality sinking onto him. He cupped your face and pressed his forehead against yours. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thank you, (Name)-chan. You’re the best.” He feels you nod, you help him stand up, your touch left burning sensations on his skin. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Go change, yeah? I’ll clean up the gym.” He nods wordlessly and walks towards the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror, he feels more miserable. He washes his face with water and walks out quickly after changing. He instantly noticed that you were not wearing the club jacket, and it was already past 7. He took his jacket and handed it to you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thank you but,” You grabbed something from your bag, a pastel blue hoodie, way too large for you. You smiled at him and wore the hoodie, after catching a whiff of the hoodie’s scent, he confirmed it was Iwa’s. He felt his heart clench at the sight of you in Hajime’s clothes. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tooru felt his throat run dry, not knowing what to say, this was new for him, he always had something to say. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Say, (Name).”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You hummed in response, “Do you…” He paused. He already knew the answer, why would he put himself in pain like this? Maybe this is the last push he needed to finally let you go. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Do i what…?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Do you like Iwa-chan?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The sudden burst of red and pink on your cheeks and you looking away was enough for him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What--where did that even come from?!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He laughed, </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>it’s how you look at him. How you held Hajime so tenderly </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>that gave you away. He wanted to say it, but he chose to shut up this time. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Just an intuition, but oh gosh, you’re blushing! I think I got my answer, you know.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You playfully landed a punch on his arms, he wanted you to tell him that it wasn’t true, that it was him you actually like, but you didn’t. Instead you said something that totally ripped his heart into pieces.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Am I that obvious, Tooru--I try my best to hide it--I swear!” You rambled and he just laughed.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ll help you take his heart, (Name)-chan!” He knew he didn’t have to intervene, it was already obvious, Hajime had your heart and you had his.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Really? You’ll help me?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Of course. Anything for you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, Oikawa, have you...told them yet?” He raised his eyebrows at Issei, who urged him to answer, “Tell them what?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He heard Takahiro snicker and he glared at said man, “About back in high school.” Oh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He haven’t, He most probably wouldn’t say it. It has been 7 years at least. You didn’t need to know, you had so much to think about. Med School and of course, Hajime. He shook his head and looked down. His friends decided to continue chattering and catching up with each other, he was occasionally teased for having amazing one night stands in Argentina, to which he said no, because he simply didn’t have time for it. Volleyball was the only thing on his mind in Argentina and, (Name), well, she was a constant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re so fucking dumb, shittykawa.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knew that you liked being fashionably late, back in your high school days, you always were, and it wasn’t a surprise that you were late to this reunion. After a few minutes of catching up with his old high school friends, you walked in the shop. It felt like slow motion, it felt like he was seeing you again when you were kids. It’s just, this time around, you looked absolutely beautiful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your hair that reached the middle of your back, was now cut short until your shoulders, you definitely didn’t have bangs back then, but you did now. He felt his breath being taken away as you walked towards the long table. You looked so breathtakingly beautiful. You sported a pastel pink overalls and a white thin shirt underneath, you looked young and...</span>
  <em>
    <span>in love. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Most importantly, happy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yuutaro! We’re sorry were late! ” He watched you hug Kindaichi, congratulating him on his marriage, he laughed at how motherly you looked to the first years. </span>
  <em>
    <span>We. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He felt his heart drop. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tooru!” He looked up at you and smiled widely, despite feeling like shit, “(Name)-chan!!!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You hugged him and he got a whiff of your vanilla scent, he felt himself smile, your scent remained the same, and so did how he felt for you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“(Last Name)-san, where is Iwaizumi-Senpai?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You smiled kindly at Kunimi, and he smiled back, Tooru didn’t know how you made everyone warm up to you, you just did. It came natural for you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, he’s parking ou--”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m right here, Kindaichi. Congratulations on your wedding.” Hajime greeted the younger one with a hug, patting his back along the process. He looked happy, so happy that Tooru felt like he should be happy too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shittykawa.” They laughed and gave each other a tight hug, he noticed that (Name) was smiling so fondly, but he was looking at Hajime. It was always him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After many bowls of ramen, the team decided to just stay a little bit and catch up, the team members talked about college, work and of course, their relationships at the moment, Tooru wanted nothing more but to leave. He knew your relationship has been going on for 4 years now. Having studying together at Irvine made you and Hajime closer, finally getting into a relationship after years of pining.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I told you not to--” You groaned and sat down the chair while glaring at Hajime, Tooru wanted to laugh at him, but his worry for his best friend overcame the need to laugh, so he just watched the scene unfold with a little smile and of course, a little bit of jealousy, but he wouldn’t admit that out loud.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You know, Oikawa, our team mates might be oblivious to the love triangle, but we aren’t.” His neck snapped to look at Issei, “Dude, shut up…”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Takahiro patted Tooru’s shoulders, “You should just let her go, man. It’s too painful to see you pretend that you aren’t hurt. You have a horde of fangirls waiting for y--”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“They aren’t (Name).” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They weren’t you. You knew him more than he knew himself. You took care of him when his knee was acting up, you lifted his head when he felt like the world was on his shoulders, like the world was pushing his head down. They aren’t (Name), who made him laugh and smile when all he wanted to do was cry and cry until his tear ducts gave out. They simply weren’t </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>you. </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He heard Issei laugh sarcastically, “She doesn’t want you, ‘Kawa.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tooru knew that, but having his friends shove the reality down his throat hurt more than he thought it would be. He felt like his heart was at the palm of your hands and you were crushing it without you knowing. He hated the fact that he had a lot of girl's attention, hell he even has a fucking fanclub of his own, but, he didn't have you. He found it ironic. How many girls wanted him, but when he finally found the girl he wanted, </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He couldn't have her. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“(Name)--”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I was worried sick! What did you think would happen if you broke your arm huh? Or dislocated your elbows or your shoulders--God!” Hajime was glad it was only the five of you in the gym, he didn’t want his underclassmen to see their tough and scary senpai get scolded by their 4’11 manager. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m sorry--” Tooru watch you sigh, and stand up. You forced Hajime to sit down on the bench, and take out the medical kit that was always in your gym bag in case any of the boys got injured.  You grabbed the ice pack and placed it lightly on Hajime’s elbows. He saw how worried you were, and he saw how his best friend softened as he watched you take care of his un-injured elbow. He saw light purple and blue marks starting to bloom on Hajime’s elbows and arms.  He knew it all along but he--he still kept on denying it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m sorry I snapped at you, Hajime...I care about you so much, take care of yourself. I wouldn’t know what to do if you get hurt or just--”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I know...I know, I’m sorry, too. I’ll buy you your favorite iced coffee tomorrow, okay? I promise I wouldn’t practice until 5 tomorrow, just for you, yeah?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tooru noticed how soft Hajime’s voice was when reassuring you, and he couldn’t help but laugh quietly to himself. You and Hajime were like puzzle pieces, you complimented one another, made the other a better version of themself. Tooru wanted to love you like that. That was all he wanted. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He hated how almost everything he wanted was taken away from him, or just, some things that he wanted were actually never his, like you were. He wanted you, but you were never his, You never even considered him as an option. Your heart was set on someone else. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Since you’ve been so hard-headed, let me kiss your bruises, Haji.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He watched Hajime blush all shades of pink and red, but he saw how happy the two of you were and now, he realized that is what's important. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“(Name), stop being weird,” Hajime frowned and looked away, but the colors on his cheek seemed to say otherwise. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You know you love me, Haji.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah. I do.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ehem ehem.” Tooru snapped out of his trance and looked around, Hajime was standing in the front of the table, with you by his side, he smiled and shook his head, Iwa-chan really had changed, Tooru thought, he was much more soft and expressive of his affections, you were more level headed now. He knew you would be the best version of yourself with Hajime, and he was happy and proud of the two of you, despite the lingering pain in his heart.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes dropped to your hands that were wrapped around Hajime’s arms, he noticed a silver band, with a little simple diamond in the middle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He watched you smile so wide at his best friend, who smiled softly at you, he nodded reassuringly, Your hands tighten around your fiance’s arms, he clears his throat and the boys chuckle. Tooru smiled at Hajime, who nodded, “Uh…(Name) is gonna be,” Hajime looks at you and you chuckle lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span> “She’s gonna be an Iwaizumi soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The team cheers, they considered you and Hajime as parents back then and now, you were officially tying the knot, and would eventually become parents. Tooru felt so happy yet so broken at the same time, he didn’t know how, but somehow, that’s how he feels. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After everyone congratulating you and your soon to be husband, you sat down beside Tooru. You smiled at Tooru so widely, with Hajime behind you, who was also smiling at Tooru. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Congratulations, you two! I always knew it would be Iwaizumi (Name) and Iwaizumi Hajime, think about it, has a nice ring right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He could feel Issei and Takahiro’s pity radiating from them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for that shittykawa, uhm…(Name) and I agreed on something, about the wedding…” Tooru raised his eyebrow at Hajime who rolled his eyes before laughing, “What is it, Iwa-chan~?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This time, (Name) spoke, and he could feel his soul leave his body with her request.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We...want you to be the best man at our wedding, Tooru, if that’s alright with you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He chuckled lightly and nodded, she smiled nervously, “Really, Tooru? You know you can’t be absent on that day, you’d be here right? Clear your schedule once we give you the date??” She smiled so widely, that even if his heart felt like it was being shred to pieces all over again, he agreed. He always will. He smiled softly and nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anything for you, (Name).”</span>
</p>
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